Back to the Basics
“So I can't believe that I'm back to the basics Climbin' out of the trees, gettin' back to the root No, I can't believe that I'm back to the basics Jumpin' down from the clouds, gettin' grounded in You” — Jonathan McReynolds, “Basics”
I struggle with receiving God’s love and grace—much more than I’d like to admit. There have been so many nights when I’ve sat in prayer, overwhelmed by frustration that I am still stuck in this same emotional cycle.
Why is it so hard to just let go?
The truth is, for most of my life, I’ve tied my worth to my work. I operated under the unspoken rule that performance equals love. I believed that the more I achieved, the more "lovable" I became. This grew out of a self-image that was fractured long ago. Even today, those jagged edges of my past still have a way of pricking and poking at my peace.
I’ve reached a point where the cycle is getting old. It feels exhausting to stay in this place—especially when you realize you are standing an inch away from your "Promised Land," yet a small, haunting voice is still keeping you bound to the desert.
The Gap Between Knowing and Believing
Breaking free requires a conscious choice. I refuse to carry old shame, trauma, and the weight of things God has already settled into a new season.
My Pastor often speaks about the difference between knowing and believing—it’s the same as the difference between hearing and listening. If able, we all have the physical ability to hear; our brains process sound automatically. But you can hear someone without truly listening to them. We’ve all been there: scrolling on our phones while a friend talks, only to be flustered when they ask, "Are you listening to me?"
Hearing is passive; listening requires focus and intention.
It is the same with our faith. We know the words to the childhood rhyme:
"Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so..."
We know it because the text is there on the page. But do we believe it in our bones? For a long time, I didn't. I know I didn't because I wasn’t acting like a person who is loved. I was still a hostage to my past. Whenever a memory of guilt surfaced, it wasn't just a thought—it was like being pulled back into the story. Suddenly, I wasn't in the present; I was back in "Chapter 5, Page 159," or I was watching my mistakes play out on a giant IMAX screen.
I was "free" on paper, but I wasn't living free.
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." — John 8:36
Trading Perfection for Presence
I realized I was walking on eggshells with God. I had convinced myself that I needed to be perfect to stay in His good graces. But the reality is: I am not perfect. I used to try very hard to act like I was, but that never stopped any of my "mess" from oozing out eventually.
Why was I putting myself back in handcuffs?
I just want to be the person God created—the one who was delivered, the one who understands that without Him, I am nothing.
When we cling to shame, we actually dim the glory of God’s work. We are essentially telling Him that His sacrifice wasn't "enough" to clean our specific type of dirt. But when God purifies, He doesn't do a surface clean; He justifies us completely.
"Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies." — Romans 8:33
The "How Much More" Love
Lately, I’ve been asked: How much more?
How much more proof do you need?
What else do I have to show you for you to believe you are forgiven?
It’s a question that has compelled me to be truly honest. “Seriously, Nya…what else do you need?”
The Bible is not a book of perfect people; it is a tapestry of mess-ups and failures. And believe me, I have had my share of falls and failures alike. But through the power of Christ, I am rising from the ashes. I am not who I used to be. Every blunder and every battle has served a divine purpose in shaping who I am today.
I have been set apart to stand with the Body of Christ—not as a prisoner to my past, but as a witness to how far God can bring a person.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." — Jeremiah 29:11
Nothing Can Separate Us
Shame is a weight that doesn't belong to you. When Jesus hung on the cross, beaten and bloodied, He looked down the timeline of history, saw your face, and said, "For my daughter, I will…for my son, I will.”
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life... nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." — Romans 8:38-39
If you are struggling to accept grace, know this: nothing can separate you from His love. Even when you try to pull away, His love holds fast. Even more, He surrounds us with a community—brothers and sisters in Christ—to hold us steady when our own grip is weak.
Paul urged us to master the basics so we could grow into maturity (Hebrews 6). He wasn't telling us to abandon the basics, but to master them so they could finally support the weight of a bigger life—and that is my prayer for us.
The time to live free is now.
"...Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." — Philippians 3:13-14
