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“You can make many plans, but the Lord’s purpose will prevail.”
Proverbs 19:21
I was calculative without knowing I was calculative. To me, it just made sense: thinking ahead.
I mean, is it weird to have your birthday caption ready six months ahead… You get the point.
Thinking ahead made me feel in control, and that’s exactly where the issue came in. I would never have called myself an anxious person. Sure, I had a few worries about the future here and there, but who doesn’t?
Eventually, though, I realized that being calculative is more than just thinking ahead; it’s a way to manipulate the outcome. It’s anxiety dressed in Versace.
“If this doesn’t happen by then, then I’ll do this, with the hopes or expectation that this will happen as a result.”
It’s very nice and organized on the outside, but crippling nervousness on the inside.
But if the dress glimmers enough, you won’t see that.
Most of my life, I’ve scrambled for safety and security. I went from a young girl who felt she didn’t have control, and that sort of turned into a Loch Ness monster of a young woman who was now adamant to know what would happen at all times, to know where she stands with others at all times. And if I didn’t know, I had to get the answer, and get it quickly, by any means.
I’ve come to understand that neither safety nor security necessarily comes from knowing what is going to happen every minute. That’s certainly not the example we often see in the Bible; most of the time, they actually have no clue!
Take Abraham, for example, who was called out of his father’s house into an unknown land by an unknown God. Yet, he trusted the promise and went. Similarly, God told Moses to return to Egypt to free his people. Moses hesitated a bit, but eventually, he went, and well, we know how that ends (With a parted Red Sea, Hallelujah!).
The point is, they had to rely on God every single step of the way.
Know Thyself
A calculative mind can be tricky, though, especially when it’s yours. Meaning, my biggest weapon is that I know myself.
I know my stress triggers. I know the thoughts that send me down a spiral. So, when I send myself there, it can be an interesting fight to bring myself back. Because of this, I’ve been on a daily journey from calculation to surrender, because that’s truly the only antidote. What power does a calculative mind have against a soul that has surrendered the outcome to God? None!
Oftentimes, when it seems things aren’t moving as fast as they should… or seemingly not moving at all, we get antsy and feel we need to insert ourselves. I recall seeing a social media post where someone was talking about us having a "Plan B" with God. When we do that, we’re essentially saying, "Well, in case God doesn’t pull through for me… I can do this."
See how crazy that sounds, though? The Lord of all. Creator of all things. Not coming… through? The same God in 2 Timothy 2:13, where it says, "If we are faithless, he remains faithful—for he cannot deny himself." That God?
Yet… we fall there. I fall there. We fall because we think we have the power, and if something doesn’t work out the way we think it should, or if it takes a little longer, then we view it as a failure. But a question that has been posed to me, and one I now pose to you, is this: failure by whose standards?
New Mercies, Manna & Quail
In Exodus 16, the Israelites are complaining and longing for their days in Egypt, remembering the meat that they used to eat. They had left a place where, although they were slaves, they were at least slaves who knew what to expect and when. Now, out in the wilderness, they were free, but they had to rely on this God that they didn't really know yet. They had no clue what was next.
In the midst of this, the LORD tells Moses that He was going to send down Manna and Quail daily for the people to eat from. The very important part of this was that there were specific instructions for it. It wasn’t a free-for-all.
God's instructions were simple:
Each person was to gather an omer—just enough for that day's meals.
No one was allowed to keep any of it left over for the next morning.
On the sixth day, they were to gather twice as much because no manna would fall on the holy day of rest.
Despite these rules, there were still some who tried to take more than what they needed. And what happened? It rotted. Moses was angry with them because they hadn’t listened. I can imagine his frustration, but I can’t lie, I also understand them.
I've spent time worrying more than I should, ruminating over circumstances and situations that haven’t even happened yet, and circling over problems that don’t even exist. Just like the Israelites, it’s like hoarding mental and emotional space… only for it to go to waste. They heard the instructions and the assurance that these mercies would be new every morning, yet they still feared it wouldn’t be enough.
“But what if God doesn’t give us more in the morning?”
“What if this man Moses is lying?”
All of those calculated thoughts just led to a foul smell and maggots.
Maybe that is the exact aroma and image of what a lack of faith looks and smells like to God.
Peace Beyond Measure
Years back, during a season of heavy deliverance, the Lord would often remind me to “hold my peace.” I learned that when you’re holding onto peace, or rather, when God’s peace is holding onto you, you don’t have the space to hold anxiety at the same time.
Some of my favorite scriptures about peace are:
Philippians 4:6-9 (NLT): "Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me—everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you."
Isaiah 26:3 (NLT): "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!"
1 Peter 5:7 (NLT): "Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."
Psalms 55:22 (NLT): "Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."
If you find yourself trying to calculate things 20 steps ahead today, I encourage you to take a step back with me and simply pause.
Remind yourself that you don’t have to figure it all out. That’s not your job. Your job is simply to be obedient to God and to what He’s calling you to do today.
As it says in Psalms 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God!” May we all rest in this day, completely anchored. And may we finally put ourselves out of an exhausting job and let the real Director do the directing, shall we?
Because there’s no better place for any of us to be than in the hands of the Father who already knows all and sees all.
